My screenplay looking for oppions

[Gemela]

Hi everyone here is the start of my screen play and the idea for it. Please tell me what you think of it.
It is the story of a young girl who is told that they must follow what there parents do. (Business people) she rebels against heer parents and land herself in a lot of trouble. (Family abuse, suicide, drugs etc.) Latter they find an interest that can get her away from everything that is going on in her life. A friend introduces this to them. (Horse ridding).
Okay now heres a bit of the script tell me what you think.
Scene 1
INT/EXT ? Bedroom/Local Street ? Day

LS ? Roseanna gazes out of her bedroom window, she observes all the children leaving for school. She glances at her clock and realises that she had better start getting ready to go too. PAN in - There is a knock on the door. It is her Mother.

MUM
(Said through the door ? O.S)
Roseanna are you awake yet? You had better be getting ready for school.

MS - Roseanna turns around and glances at her bedroom door. Then turns her gaze back out the window.

ROSEANNA
Yes Mum I am awake, I?ll be down in a few minutes.

Roseanna gazes out the window for a bit longer, then she turns and starts to get ready for school. She pulls her school diary out of her bag and sits down on her bed. She starts to read out the subjects she has for the day.

Roseanna
Lets see, English, Music, Maths, History, Science.

Roseanna puts her diary down on her bed and moves over to get her books. She puts the books in her bag, and then opens her diary again and takes out a piece of paper and starts to read over it.

Roseanna
Oh Cassandra your so sweet, I?ll have to try sometime.

Roseanna puts the letter back into her diary and then picks up her bag and goes downstairs.

CUT TO:

[ickle_jim]

id say its abit short to be posting already, it doesnt really say anything for us to comment on yet.
One thing thats interesting tho is your use of camera angles, most people dont bother with them at the early stages. I mean, do what ever your most confortable with, but with me personaly i only bother with camera angles if its important to narrative. The opening POV shot in Halloween is a classic example of when to give detailed accounts of camera shots.

[GREATwarEAGLE]

The vultures are circling but I'd like to ward off their assault.

Let's be fair and put this into perspective. Gemela, I'm guessing you're either very young, like early/mid-teens, do not speak English as a first language, or have a disability. Any of which is nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

How bout this. Do you own any professional screenplays that have been produced?

[GREATwarEAGLE]

The vultures are circling but I'd like to ward off their assault.

Let's be fair and put this into perspective. Gemela, I'm guessing you're either very young, like early/mid-teens, do not speak English as a first language, or have a disability. Any of which is nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

How bout this. Do you own any professional screenplays that have been produced?

[ac_01]

www.simplyscripts.com -- for all your screenplay needs.

www.scriptsecrets.net -- for all your screenplay worries. [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[spaceham]

Disabled? I doubt it. Everybody's stuff is a little out there when they first start writing. BTW, I think there are quite a few younger guys on the board. I myself am in my teens. Don't write off us younger guys! Just yet anyway...

[GREATwarEAGLE]

I wasn't writing him off. I just wanted those who frequent this board that enjoy trying to degrade and humiliate others to keep in mind that Gemela may have disadvantages that the rest of us don't.

Like Jerome Cain, who's deaf. And Emjen, who admits to a language barrier being that he's Dutch.

[Gemela]

Okay i just thought that i'd clear some stuff up. Okay one yeah i am young,only turned 16 in november. Yeah this is the first script i've ever writen so it's a bit weird. No i don't have a disablity or anything, i have a tremor but thats why i have to use a computer for everything, or have someone write for me but thats about it, proberly just that i'm young. Oh yeah i'm Australian so if you guys think that my spellings wrong it's not. Oh and why am i a Him, not everyone here is and i'm not. Okay bye
Gemma

[emjen]

i just turned 18, english is my second language and some of my first scripts are on this board. In fact, the locked room thing is my first finished script.

Dont know why i said this. Gemma i cant comment on you its too short.

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 07, 2003 08:36 AM: Message edited by: emjen ]</font>

[GREATwarEAGLE]

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 07, 2003 12:18 AM: Message edited by: GREATwarEAGLE ]</font>